on Thanksgiving, alone

I ran across this NPR article Table For One, Please. A Solo Thanksgiving last week. I found the topic and the 95 comments on it so interesting-- the mix of reactions from NPR readers to the idea of spending Thanksgiving alone.  In America, we've idealized Thanksgiving to be the epitome of family, friends, togetherness. The expectation of what it should look and feel and be like is very clear (as one reader points out- even the menu is pre-decided!) What happens when one chooses to reject these expectations and spend the holiday alone - either by choice or not?

I find it hard to take Thanksgiving seriously in the first place. Its origins seem so false and ironic. Are we really celebrating a supposed friendship between the pilgrims and the Native Americans they truthfully exterminated? It feels like a piece of distorted history that's been co-opted by the food and shopping industry.  Perhaps this is too cynical, especially when the holidays may lead people to be thankful and generous. Maybe because I've never celebrated Thanksgiving, its hard for me to understand.

But I think this gets to the heart of a real difficulty in our human experience. We have expectations and ideals for holidays, careers, marriages, friends, children-- all sorts of aspects of our lives. When the real, true experience doesn't match the expectation, it can be very painful. Some readers tried to escape this by going to the beach or to Canada on Thanksgiving. Others stayed put but embraced the solitude and freedom. Others acknowledged their loneliness and unhappiness.

We're social animals; our ability to feel connected to others is an important determinant of our happiness.  But at some point or another most people find themselves alone, either physically or emotionally. Or we may desire time alone, and certainly solitude can be healing or rejuvenating in its own way. I wonder if others feel this tension as much as I do. How can we each find this balance, especially when holidays like Thanksgiving seem to tell us there's only one right, happy, or normal way to be?